I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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