I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
