I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
