What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
