Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
