her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
