She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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