Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
