i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
