We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
