grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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