Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
