i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
