i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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