peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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