i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
