God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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