Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
