Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
