I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
