Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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