; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
