I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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