I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
