closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
