How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
How external is "for external use only"?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
