everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
