omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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