Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
