Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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