Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
