she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
