Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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