I don't usually arrange sex via text message
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
