Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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