Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
