And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
