when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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