I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
