Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
