If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
