A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
