i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
