I puked a lego.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
