even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
