Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
