I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
