Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
