I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
