He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
