I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
