Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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